Did King Dasaratha’s weakness for his young wife Kaikeyi affect his son Rama’s choices towards his wife Sita, leading to her banishment? Did the revered prince of Ayodhya abandon the kshatriya code when he killed monkey king Vali?
In her book, Lost Loves: Exploring Rama’s Anguish, ARSHIA SATTAR talks of Rama’s conflict between multiple dharmas and the relevance of the epic today. She talks to ANURADHA VARMA about Rama and Sita’s love story gone wrong and more.
What are your earliest memories of the Ramayana? And what later attracted you to its retelling and Rama, in particular?
I first heard the story of Rama when I was a child, from my ayah who came from the hills. It’s also my first memory of fear — I was afraid that Ravana would come and take me away. My parents were always reading me stories and buying me books, especially books of myths and folk tales. So I think I entered a story-telling universe of flying monkeys and dragons and fairy queens rather early. And I stayed with it.
The Ramayana is everywhere inIndia
How much was Rama human and how much god-like? Which aspect appeals to you more and why?
I think everyone decides for themselves how human Rama was or how god-like. The human Rama is interesting because he seems closer to us. We can think about his actions in terms of our human failings and temptations and fears. We can see that he made mistakes which he deeply regretted. And that brings him close to us.
You’ve written that Dasaratha’s attitude towards Kaikeyi embarrassed Rama and affected his own relationship with Sita. Was this the root cause in his eventual detachment from Sita?
There’s a whole chapter in the book that talks about this. Yes, I think Rama was deeply affected by his father’s actions — actions which changed Rama’s life forever. Had they not been exiled into the forest, perhaps Sita would not have been taken away from him. But then, we would not have had this beautiful story, which is one of how we can lose love and what happens when we have to live without it.
What is the eternal dharma that Rama strives towards? How does this conflict with his kshatriya dharma and personal desires? Where, in all this, does Rama’s real greatness lie?
Rama renounces kshatriya dharma on three separate occasions, so it’s clear that it troubles him on many levels. It’s not simply about warriors and violence, it’s also the demands that kingship makes on a person. Rama is impressed by and attracted to the quietude of the lives of the ascetics in the forest. You could call that eternal dharma if you like.
For me, the more challenging idea is that there are multiple dharmas according to who you are and what stage of life you are in. We could also argue that Dasaratha chose to honour his dharma as a husband because he was at the end of his life as a king. Rama had to reject Sita because he was starting his life as a king. I’m not sure where Rama’s greatness lies.
For some people, he was never great. It’s for the reader or the believer to decide whether Rama is great and if so, what it is that makes him that.
What makes Sita finally leave Rama? Is it because she realises that Rama has forgotten how to love her? Is there a final irrevocable emotional distance between the two?
This is also in the book — it’s this terrible moment that gives the book its name, ‘Lost Loves’. I don’t think he’s forgotten how to love her, he has learnt to love her differently. He loves her now as a king would love his queen. Sita takes the enormous step of leaving him by entering the earth. In that sense, she gives up on the idea of their love — so yes, given that she leaves him forever, to say that there is an ‘irrevocable distance between the two’ would be an understatement!
Is the Ramayana eventually a love story? What lessons do Rama-Sita’s relationship have for us?
The Ramayana is ALSO a love story, even as it is many other things. It’s an epic; it’s a story about how to be a king. For some people, it’s a story about god acting on earth, among humans, showing what to do and what not to do. I find the Ramayana most compelling as a love story, but there’s a Ramayana for each of us. What do we learn from Rama and Sita’s relationship? We learn how hard it is for love to be constant, how hard it is to have expectations from your beloved that are not fulfilled. We also learn how vulnerable we are and how difficult it is to adjust to changes in our lives.
Do we need to challenge the notion of Rama-Sita as the eternal ideal couple?
I can’t see how a relationship that’s largely spent in separation can be ideal. Rama and Sita and their relationship are always going to be on our cultural horizon but how we regard it, whether as ideal and eternal or problematic depends on who we are. If one believes that Rama is god, then of course his relationship with his wife and others are going to be considered ideal. But if not, then we have other ways to think about the relationship, and consider what it says about our ideas of men and women in society.
http://www.speakingtree.in/view-article/Ramas-Mistakes-Bring-Him-Closer-To-Us
In her book, Lost Loves: Exploring Rama’s Anguish, ARSHIA SATTAR talks of Rama’s conflict between multiple dharmas and the relevance of the epic today. She talks to ANURADHA VARMA about Rama and Sita’s love story gone wrong and more.
What are your earliest memories of the Ramayana? And what later attracted you to its retelling and Rama, in particular?
I first heard the story of Rama when I was a child, from my ayah who came from the hills. It’s also my first memory of fear — I was afraid that Ravana would come and take me away. My parents were always reading me stories and buying me books, especially books of myths and folk tales. So I think I entered a story-telling universe of flying monkeys and dragons and fairy queens rather early. And I stayed with it.
The Ramayana is everywhere in
How much was Rama human and how much god-like? Which aspect appeals to you more and why?
I think everyone decides for themselves how human Rama was or how god-like. The human Rama is interesting because he seems closer to us. We can think about his actions in terms of our human failings and temptations and fears. We can see that he made mistakes which he deeply regretted. And that brings him close to us.
You’ve written that Dasaratha’s attitude towards Kaikeyi embarrassed Rama and affected his own relationship with Sita. Was this the root cause in his eventual detachment from Sita?
There’s a whole chapter in the book that talks about this. Yes, I think Rama was deeply affected by his father’s actions — actions which changed Rama’s life forever. Had they not been exiled into the forest, perhaps Sita would not have been taken away from him. But then, we would not have had this beautiful story, which is one of how we can lose love and what happens when we have to live without it.
What is the eternal dharma that Rama strives towards? How does this conflict with his kshatriya dharma and personal desires? Where, in all this, does Rama’s real greatness lie?
Rama renounces kshatriya dharma on three separate occasions, so it’s clear that it troubles him on many levels. It’s not simply about warriors and violence, it’s also the demands that kingship makes on a person. Rama is impressed by and attracted to the quietude of the lives of the ascetics in the forest. You could call that eternal dharma if you like.
For me, the more challenging idea is that there are multiple dharmas according to who you are and what stage of life you are in. We could also argue that Dasaratha chose to honour his dharma as a husband because he was at the end of his life as a king. Rama had to reject Sita because he was starting his life as a king. I’m not sure where Rama’s greatness lies.
For some people, he was never great. It’s for the reader or the believer to decide whether Rama is great and if so, what it is that makes him that.
What makes Sita finally leave Rama? Is it because she realises that Rama has forgotten how to love her? Is there a final irrevocable emotional distance between the two?
This is also in the book — it’s this terrible moment that gives the book its name, ‘Lost Loves’. I don’t think he’s forgotten how to love her, he has learnt to love her differently. He loves her now as a king would love his queen. Sita takes the enormous step of leaving him by entering the earth. In that sense, she gives up on the idea of their love — so yes, given that she leaves him forever, to say that there is an ‘irrevocable distance between the two’ would be an understatement!
Is the Ramayana eventually a love story? What lessons do Rama-Sita’s relationship have for us?
The Ramayana is ALSO a love story, even as it is many other things. It’s an epic; it’s a story about how to be a king. For some people, it’s a story about god acting on earth, among humans, showing what to do and what not to do. I find the Ramayana most compelling as a love story, but there’s a Ramayana for each of us. What do we learn from Rama and Sita’s relationship? We learn how hard it is for love to be constant, how hard it is to have expectations from your beloved that are not fulfilled. We also learn how vulnerable we are and how difficult it is to adjust to changes in our lives.
Do we need to challenge the notion of Rama-Sita as the eternal ideal couple?
I can’t see how a relationship that’s largely spent in separation can be ideal. Rama and Sita and their relationship are always going to be on our cultural horizon but how we regard it, whether as ideal and eternal or problematic depends on who we are. If one believes that Rama is god, then of course his relationship with his wife and others are going to be considered ideal. But if not, then we have other ways to think about the relationship, and consider what it says about our ideas of men and women in society.
http://www.speakingtree.in/view-article/Ramas-Mistakes-Bring-Him-Closer-To-Us
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