Mobile hell…

After weeks of research, I decide to abandon my CDMA connection and buy an android GSM handset. Right after buying it, I walk two shops away to the Reliance store and ask for a GSM connection… should take a couple of hours, I think.

Ha! Guy at counter: Why do you want to shift to GSM? Me: Not enough good CDMA handsets. He: That’s true… but GSM gives problems.  Me: I don’t care.. I just want it fast. He: It’ll take seven days and you have to provide fresh identification.

My pancard and press i-card (with my billing address) won’t do … I need to get a bank passbook, an updated one. I say forget it, I’ll just go elsewhere. I go to Airtel nearby… how long does it take to get my number ported? Seven days, he says, without looking up. Not happy, I walk to Idea next door. Seven days, the guy says, and says the ID I’m carrying will do. He looks helpful. Great… so let’s do it. I go back to Reliance, pay my bill and inform guy at Reliance that Idea is doing it now… Good for me, he says.

In this case, the network really follows me… I call both mobile providers daily for updates (sometimes more than once a day), desperate to use my new android phone. Reliance calls me almost daily too… asking me why I want to shift (old customer)… at first, I enthusiastically complain about the guy at the store and over the next few days, am reduced to asking them to just get it done… finally, I get a confessional call, where I’m informed that nothing has moved and will take another week.. so why not just stick with us? By now, I’m yelling and am used to putting on my rude voice effortlessly.. JUST DO IT, I tell them. Okay? No… the next call tells me that my number portability request is cancelled… Why? “Why don’t you put in a request to find out?” I won’t! Stern voice: “Well, then, if you don’t cooperate, we can’t help you.” I want to talk to a senior… “I’m the senior.”

Idea too has little idea what’s happening. “Today’s the seventh day, your old connection will switch off at midnight and after two hours, the new one will start working. Don’t worry… pucca.” At midnight, my old connection’s still working. Mad and feeling slightly foolish for believing them, I call customer care: “It’s 7 days minus Sunday and Diwali.” And Saturday? “No, only Sunday.”

I count 7 days, minus Diwali, Sundays and also throw in Bhai Dooj, etc. 3 more days to go then… I call after 3 days. Guy at Idea: Didn’t you just call? You didn’t get status then? Me: That was in the morning; now, it’s evening. What’s the status? “You can’t count Saturdays and Sundays.” Saturdays too? “Obviously, Saturday and Sunday.” Obviously.

Maybe I should just chuck the number and get a new one. I go to the Vodafone showroom. They seem happy to see me. I have a landline bill for my residence, but am not home during the day. No problem, they’ll verify at my office. Just give a colleague’s reference. No.. I’m not sharing any colleague’s contact. Just give the name, I'm told, it’s a formality. Okay, I guess. Three days later, I want to know why my connection hasn’t been activated. Customer care is full of assurances as usual and it should take anywhere from 24 hours to 72 hours. After being put on hold for 5 minutes, I head to the showroom. My connection hasn’t been activated since my colleague hasn’t presented his ID. Okay, and what if he shows his I-card, will it do? Hmmm, will it contain the address he stays at? I yell at the guy, “Would you know that about any of your colleagues?” Silence. Fine, meet my landlady… provided she’s not out for kirtan when you come. My landlady sounds wary when I call, “Aunty, they want to see your ID.” Getting a home loan was easier… I give up. Give me a prepaid card instead.. how long will that take? 24 hours! That was three days ago. I can’t recharge it online.. customer care says to visit the showroom.. I don’t have the time. “Then we can’t help you.” Do they have the number? “We can only give you the address.”

I try to prove to a friend that I’m not exaggerating… in front of her, I call up Reliance thrice.. a different status each time. The first one tells me everything is in order, the last tells me he’ll lose his job if he gives me a false commitment… I assure him he won’t; I have been getting such commitments all fortnight. When I call Idea, the male voice asks, “Madam bol rahin hain ya sir? (Is that a Madam or Sir).”

So, now I have to prioritise.. Chase Vodafone, try Airtel now or just chase Reliance? By now, I have written to the nodal officer, TRAI and the Corp Comm of Reliance… I guess I’ll just chase Reliance. I’d still rather retain my number. Meanwhile, use the new handset to play Angry Birds. When I first started playing it, I was so involved I thought a call would almost be intrusive… no such fear now!

PS: At midnight (November 10), the switch finally happened. Couldn't believe it was actually happening! It took almost 21 days. All is well with the world again... for now!

Decade's Most Memorable Ads!

Some ads are forever ... they make us smile and even become part of the lingo. Anuradha Varma goes behind the scenes of a few memorable ads from the decade

 Hutch's pug Cheeka, 2003 & Vodafone's Zoozoos, 2009
The initial idea for the You & I campaign, with the tagline 'Wherever you go, our network follows' was to have a little girl follow the boy, her older brother. Later, the idea was to get a Labrador or Golden Retriever, but they were too big. They then got a Fox Terrier which lacked e n e r g y during the shoot in Goa. With half a day left, they finally found a couple with their pug Cheeka. Recalls Sneha Iype of N i r va n a Films, "He instantly started following the boy, Jayaram, around. They were magical together." Later in 2009, came the Zoozoos, alienlooking people wearing white body suits, aired during the IPL Season II. Says Rajeev Rao, creative director, Ogilvy India, "The name Zoozoo was as mad as the character — it didn't mean anything but was catchy." 

Asian Paints' Wah Sunil Babu, 2004
A neighbour comes calling and is impressed by Sunil babu's new house, car and svelte wife. He says, "Wah! Sunil babu, naya ghar... nayi gaadi... nayi Mrs. Badiya hai!" A few years later, the car has turned to junk, the wife has put on weight, but the house is as good as new. The commercial was directed by ad man Prasoon Joshi. Recalls Abhijit Awasthi, Ogilvy India, "It was a funny take on nosy neighbours and their snide comments. In the script, the line had to be 'Kya baat hai'. But the actor Jameel ended up saying 'Badiya hai' and we retained that."

Cadbury's Pappu Paas Ho Gaya, 2005
Amitabh Bachchan plays a shopkeeper selling chocolates. He has college students coming to him, buying chocolates, saying Pappu will pick up the tab. Finally, he finds out that Pappu, a middle-aged man with a paunch, has finally cleared his 12th exams! Says Vivek Waghmare of Apocalypso Films, which filmed the commercial, "For Pappu, we held over 35-40 auditions before we decided on the right person." Abhijit Awasthi of Ogilvy India, who worked on the commercial, recalls a cabbie in Pakistan telling him this was his favourite commercial. He adds, "It's the story of the underdog who makes it big."

Naukri's Hari Sadu, 2006
The ad for the job portal Naukri had an employee answering a call on his boss' behalf, spelling out his name as 'H' for Hitler, 'A' for Arrogant, 'R' for Rascal and 'I' for Idiot. Sanjay Sharma, Draft FCB Ulka says, "The thought was that people leave bad bosses, not jobs." The punchline came during the shoot. The team groped for a way to end it with a bang, and it finally came in the form of the boss' chamcha adding 'S' for Shameless! Recalls Sanjay, "At first, the client felt the ad and the joke may be too kiddish, but wisdom prevailed."

Idea's What An Idea, Sirji, 2008
The Idea commercials made a mark when they showed brand ambassador Abhishek Bachchan solving problems related to caste and governance through the mobile phone. Says Ashwin Jacob Varkey, creative director, Lowe, "We wanted to play with the word 'Idea' and provide telephonic solutions to problems. We didn't just need a clever idea, but a big idea, so we could say 'What an idea, Sirji'." The walk when you talk commercial in the series came during brainstorming, when "we talked of how we are used to sitting while talking on the phone, even though it's a 'mobile'."

Surf's Daag Achche Hain, 2009
A boy is on his way back from school with his kid sister, when she falls into a puddle and soils her uniform. The boy 'attacks' the puddle, saying "tujhe abhi dekhta hoon" with the girl crying out, "Maaro, aur maaro". Says Arun Iyer, Lowe, "The children were stuck for four hours at the airport and spent time playing with each other. In the end, when the girl laughs at the scruffy boy, it was totally unscripted." In another ad, the schoolboy empathises with his teacher who is grieving over her dog's death, by acting like a puppy to make her smile. Adds Arun, "The boy was having so much fun that he added his own tricks."

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/tv-/Decades-Most-Memorable-Ads/articleshow/7297160.cms#ixzz1BsiBO200