Bonded beyond divorce

Friendships now include former in-laws, stepchildren and even ex-wives. Welcome to the world of new-fangled relationships...
When singer Sharon Prabhakar travelled abroad, she picked up hand cream for a dear friend, who happened to be husband Alyque Padamsee's former wife Pearl. She recalls with fondness, "Pearl was a mentor and mother figure. We've shared many dinners and quiet evenings together."

In fact, Sharon and Alyque's daughter Shazahn, has said, "I miss Pearl more now. I have never known my grandparents. She'd have filled that space."

Sounds strange, but these are new-fangled relationships, which come naturally to the people involved. During the IPL fracas not so long ago too, industrialist and team owner Vijay Mallya stood up for step-daughter Laila and IPL chairman Lalit Modi did the same for his step-son-in-law. Actor Aamir Khan's ex-wife Rina too is seen expressing support at various functions and their kids made it to Khan's second wedding.

As Sharon, who also bonds with adman husband Alyque Padamsee's former wife Dolly Thakore and step-children Raell and Quasar puts it, "There's so much love to go around in the family that I don't need to look beyond."

Did she ever feel pangs of insecurity at the bond Alyque and Pearl may have shared? "Regrets kill the future. I don't believe in looking over the shoulder," she says.

The daughter of unconventional parents Kabir and Protima Bedi, Pooja Bedi recently made a pretty picture along with her kids at ex-husband Farhan Furniturewalla's wedding to her schoolmate Laila Khan. She says, "Twelve years is a long time to have spent with somebody. Pain is transient. It's important to look at the years ahead."

Does she see herself going out to dinner with Farhan and Laila? "I have been to their home," says Pooja, and adds, "I'm happy that someone as warm as Laila has entered our space." She is also in touch with her father's ex-wives, "I chat online with Michelle, since she is my half-brother Adam's mom, and less with Nikki, since she's based in London."

It's not easy to move on, but many have walked the path, even in Hollywood. Bruce Willis often holidays with ex-wife Demi Moore and her current husband Ashton Kutcher. Meanwhile, 10 years after they split, Elizabeth Hurley calls ex-boyfriend Hugh Grant her best friend and has a bedroom for him in the home that she shares with husband Arun Nayar.

According to psychiatrist Rajiv Mehta, it's easier for ex-es to get along once there are no expectations from each other. He advises, "Allow six months for grieving and then start meeting at social gatherings. Never bring up the past. If you have a new partner in your life, introduce him or her to your former relatives."

Insecurities are natural, but mature individuals learn to take it in their stride. Rupa (name changed) admits to feelings of jealousy when she first started interacting with her husband's former wife. "But she's now a friend. In fact, when she remarried, she took our advice. She stayed with us when my step-daughter was ill." Says her husband Kapil (name changed), "I'm in touch with all my former relatives. In fact, after my divorce, my former mother-in-law termed me her honorary son-in-law. We were friends till she died." Ask Rupa if she was forced to grin and bear it, and she confesses, "I'm glad that we get along. I give my husband credit since he never said a negative word against his ex-wife."

With divorces becoming increasingly common, some people don't want to let go of friendships formed during the alliance. Remarks mediaperson Monojit Lahiri, "Bonds are not about bloodlines. I meet my former brother-in-law for drinks and consider him family."

Yes, for a lot of people, marriages may come and go, but the bonds are forever.