Anuradha Varma, TNN, Feb 15, 2011
More than 25 years ago, when Neena Gupta had lovechild Masaba with cricketer Vivian Richards, the tabloids went to town with the news. It was the same when Raj Babbar walked out on his family to be with the late Smita Patil, who was pregnant with their son Prateik.
Times have changed and when musician Anoushka Shankar, herself sitarist Ravi Shankar's lovechild, sets a wedding date only after announcing her pregnancy weeks before or model-anchor Padma Lakshmi has a child, without caring to announce the father's name, the world cheers for women empowerment. The women and the offspring seem totally comfortable in their skin.
Being a lovechild is no stigma for this generation. But society has a long way to go, believes Masaba. She says, "The concept of a lovechild being openly accepted in India is a far-fetched idea. Though it's not discussed in a bad light today, a child born out of wedlock will never be welcomed with warmth. Divorce and extra-marital affairs have slowly found acceptance in our society, but if you look at it, Aren't live-in relationships still taboo? And, a child born out of this 'perceived' taboo you think will be accepted? Never."
While Masaba was lucky to have her father cricketer Viv Richards involved in her growing years, others have not been so lucky. Ravi Shankar's other child out of wedlock, Grammy winner Norah Jones, saw her father a few times a year until she was nine, and then not until she was 18. Imran Khan fought a paternity battle with ex-girlfriend Sita White, when she charged him with fathering her daughter Tyrian.
Prateik, however, seems to almost revel in the status. In an interview, he was quoted as saying, "I like being called a wildchild. I'm fascinated by the whole 60s era. I read somewhere that I'm my parents' lovechild. ..It's quite cool to be thought about like that."
For Aatish Taseer, born of Indian journalist Tavleen Singh and late Pakistan governor Salman Taseer, it took time to cover the distance with his father and between the two countries. In his book Stranger to History, he writes about watching his father post Benazir's murder, "I felt a great sympathy as I watched the man I had judged so harshly, for not facing his past when it came to me, muse in the pain of history in this country."
In a generation of single parenting and live-in relationships, it may soon become easier to take such a decision. Unwed mother Mrinalini (name changed) was sure she wanted to keep the baby. And almost a year on, she's at peace with her decision. Says Mrinalini, "I always wanted a baby. I was crossing 35 and chances of a normal delivery were low. I also didn't believe in abortion. I had been living on my own for some years and while life was good, it felt without purpose. There are moments when I miss a companion, but overall, my happiness has more than doubled. I don't care for society. I have shared an open relationship with my parents. They were initially hesitant, but once my son was born, they fell in love with him. People who know you, accept you for what you are."
The call of motherhood can claim anyone, married or single. Says Firuza Parekh, director of the IVF centre at Jaslok Hospital, Mumbai, "I am counselling two women, both seriously considering freezing their eggs as they feel their biological clocks are slowing down. If marriage does not happen soon, they are willing to fertilise their frozen eggs with donor sperm and have the embryos transferred."
Attitudes towards unconventional relationships and decisions are gradually becoming more relaxed. Says psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria, "Women, in general, have become emotionally and sexually bolder. It is still looked down upon. However, there are more educated people who are open and accepting towards someone having a 'lovechild' as the dynamics of relationships have been showing a changing trend."
For women who do choose to tread this path, there are several concerns ahead. For one, can they leave out the father's name on the child's birth certificate? Says lawyer Devika Singh, "While there's no law for this, it depends on the understanding with the hospital." As for documentation later, in case of travel or passport, the father needn't be involved. The same rules apply as for a widowed or divorced parent who has custody of the child.
However, whatever the pressures, young people like Masaba and Prateik have shown that it's cool to be a lovechild. And Vidya Balan, who played unwed mother in the film Paa, and other such real-life moms have shown the joys of parenting are for all, married or not!
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-02-15/man-woman/28378157_1_lovechild-love-child-unwed-mother
More than 25 years ago, when Neena Gupta had lovechild Masaba with cricketer Vivian Richards, the tabloids went to town with the news. It was the same when Raj Babbar walked out on his family to be with the late Smita Patil, who was pregnant with their son Prateik.
Times have changed and when musician Anoushka Shankar, herself sitarist Ravi Shankar's lovechild, sets a wedding date only after announcing her pregnancy weeks before or model-anchor Padma Lakshmi has a child, without caring to announce the father's name, the world cheers for women empowerment. The women and the offspring seem totally comfortable in their skin.
Being a lovechild is no stigma for this generation. But society has a long way to go, believes Masaba. She says, "The concept of a lovechild being openly accepted in India is a far-fetched idea. Though it's not discussed in a bad light today, a child born out of wedlock will never be welcomed with warmth. Divorce and extra-marital affairs have slowly found acceptance in our society, but if you look at it, Aren't live-in relationships still taboo? And, a child born out of this 'perceived' taboo you think will be accepted? Never."
While Masaba was lucky to have her father cricketer Viv Richards involved in her growing years, others have not been so lucky. Ravi Shankar's other child out of wedlock, Grammy winner Norah Jones, saw her father a few times a year until she was nine, and then not until she was 18. Imran Khan fought a paternity battle with ex-girlfriend Sita White, when she charged him with fathering her daughter Tyrian.
Prateik, however, seems to almost revel in the status. In an interview, he was quoted as saying, "I like being called a wildchild. I'm fascinated by the whole 60s era. I read somewhere that I'm my parents' lovechild. ..It's quite cool to be thought about like that."
For Aatish Taseer, born of Indian journalist Tavleen Singh and late Pakistan governor Salman Taseer, it took time to cover the distance with his father and between the two countries. In his book Stranger to History, he writes about watching his father post Benazir's murder, "I felt a great sympathy as I watched the man I had judged so harshly, for not facing his past when it came to me, muse in the pain of history in this country."
In a generation of single parenting and live-in relationships, it may soon become easier to take such a decision. Unwed mother Mrinalini (name changed) was sure she wanted to keep the baby. And almost a year on, she's at peace with her decision. Says Mrinalini, "I always wanted a baby. I was crossing 35 and chances of a normal delivery were low. I also didn't believe in abortion. I had been living on my own for some years and while life was good, it felt without purpose. There are moments when I miss a companion, but overall, my happiness has more than doubled. I don't care for society. I have shared an open relationship with my parents. They were initially hesitant, but once my son was born, they fell in love with him. People who know you, accept you for what you are."
The call of motherhood can claim anyone, married or single. Says Firuza Parekh, director of the IVF centre at Jaslok Hospital, Mumbai, "I am counselling two women, both seriously considering freezing their eggs as they feel their biological clocks are slowing down. If marriage does not happen soon, they are willing to fertilise their frozen eggs with donor sperm and have the embryos transferred."
Attitudes towards unconventional relationships and decisions are gradually becoming more relaxed. Says psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria, "Women, in general, have become emotionally and sexually bolder. It is still looked down upon. However, there are more educated people who are open and accepting towards someone having a 'lovechild' as the dynamics of relationships have been showing a changing trend."
For women who do choose to tread this path, there are several concerns ahead. For one, can they leave out the father's name on the child's birth certificate? Says lawyer Devika Singh, "While there's no law for this, it depends on the understanding with the hospital." As for documentation later, in case of travel or passport, the father needn't be involved. The same rules apply as for a widowed or divorced parent who has custody of the child.
However, whatever the pressures, young people like Masaba and Prateik have shown that it's cool to be a lovechild. And Vidya Balan, who played unwed mother in the film Paa, and other such real-life moms have shown the joys of parenting are for all, married or not!
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-02-15/man-woman/28378157_1_lovechild-love-child-unwed-mother
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